Review: Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades of Grey has been the biggest tease of the year so far. Luring audiences in with saucy pics and tantalizing promises of seduction, passion and mind blowing sex – it is after all what was depicted in the book that entered the bedrooms of women around the world.
The movie on the other hand, would appear to leave most of us wanting more – and not in a good way.
Having been privy to a sneak peek, it would appear most critics have now dubbed the movie ‘Fifty Shades of bore’, leaving them extremely unsatisfied.
“Fifty Shades Of Grim might have its titillating moments, but it just goes on and on and on for no good reason before ending in an abrupt and unsatisfactory way — the very definition of bad sex, not good.”
– Daily Mail
“Sitting through the turgid and tedious S&M melodrama that is Fifty Shades Of Grey may feel like its own form of torture. Those looking for hot, kinky sex will be disappointed.
“Fewer than 15 of the movie’s 125 minutes feature sex scenes. The dialogue is laughable, the pacing is sluggish and the performances are one-note. Worst of all, the chemistry is nil between Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson. Dornan spends most of his time frowning while Johnson stares vacantly and bites her lip.”
– USA Today
“It has stripped away the fun and settled on palatable. There have been perfume commercials with more depth and story arc. We may have been curious going in, but by the time the credits roll, there’s another question that springs to mind: is that all there is?”
– Times Union newspaper
“Fifty Shades is a lot tamer than it could have been. Dornan, a god on Earth with a wobbly American accent, is forced to play the same notes over and over. Which I don’t mind watching him do, but he begins to seem bored. The film’s plotlessness becomes a burden in the last 20 or so minutes, when something like a climax is needed, but all the film can muster is yet another argument.”
– Vanity Fair
“This is a turn-off — every time a sex scene comes on, some lady starts singing a big, whooshy Sex Scene song. Hello, Beyonce . . . It will work better as home entertainment, when each viewer can race past the blah-blah about how well Christian plays the piano and pause on the fleeting image of the man minus his pants.”
– Entertainment Weekly
“Both actors do strip . . . but anyone hoping the movie would really push the S&M envelope may find Christian’s tastefully shot toy room a little . . . vanilla. We see a whip here, a handcuff there, but nothing that would shock even newcomers.”
– New York Daily News
“The mediocre plot, bland characters and tepid tone don’t do any favours. The result is a boring, drawn-out call to a sex dungeon that takes an indeterminable time to arrive.”
– Fox News
